Dear God, I'm in a pissy mood!

Ever have those types of prayers?

A prayer where you just want nothing more than to bitch to God because we are in some funk, and worst of it - we have no idea why?

The hell is that about?

Why in the world do I get into such foul moods for no good reason.  Sure, my life isn't perfect, but it is far from such a foul mood I'm in sometimes.  Why?

The heck is going on?

This hanging...what?  Heaviness?  I don't know what it is.  Sure feels like a heavy wet blanket that is NOT comfortable in the least.  How did it get here, how do I get rid of it?

And as I said - worst of it, I have no idea WHY I'm in such a mood.  Nothing has happened that should "cause" such a mood, yet there it is...and here it comes.

Then, because of this mood, thought and feelings come up that I know I don't want around me and in my head.  Mainly, "why bother?"

Why bother with anything?  Why not just eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we may die?
Why not just be selfish and live for ourselves?

Heck people will just take advantage of us anyway. Besides what good and I really doing?  Am I really changing ANY part of the world, because is sure as hell doesn't appear so.

I know, someone who writes and blogs about following Jesus isn't supposed to have these thoughts, nor are they to SHARE these thoughts on a blog of all places!

Well, you'll get them here, folks!

I don't do fluffy and "saintly" and whatnot if I'm not feeling it - today: I'm not! LOL.

Yes, I get in foul moods that I can't explain where they come from or why they are hanging around me.  Some would say it's possible spiritual warfare...I'm not in total disagreement with that notion as a possibility, however, I'm not going to go down that path here.

Rather, I'm going to tell you what I do when I get in these mood: I go to God...and I bitch to God.

Yep, I complain to God and sometimes get a bit angry with Him.  Especially about things I believed Him to call me toward that don't seem to...do ANYTHING!

"The hell's the point?"  I ask, in frustration and anger and sadness...

And, much to my chagrin, I don't always get an answer - not right away.

Somewhere in this prayer, when I feel like I'm near the end of my rope, I demand from God.

That's right, I make a demand.  "You gotta give me something, Guy! You gotta show me something, a reason, hope, something..."

And again, I usually don't get my answer right away...because God isn't interested in giving me an answer right away - He's interested in listening, and letting me have my tantrum...

Oh, I kind of am holding back on some of my language - but what I exactly say to God is between me and Him - and I know he can take it...He's God.

But sometimes, I think we fall into this false belief that God ONLY wants to hear about when we're doing good.  I know, I know, God knows everything...but SHARING it with God is far different that just assuming God knows.

Because when we share our feelings, especially the non "saintly" ones - we are admitting we are having them.  But even better: we CONFRONT them.

What makes me angry about when I have these thoughts and feelings, is I know they are not truly mine.  They are not me on any given day - which is what makes me more angry for having them.

And since God knows my heart better than I, it only is right that I go to him when my heart doesn't seem to be lining up.  And yes, sometimes that comes in complaints toward God.  Not that these complaints are TRULY complaints toward him - though they are directed at him.

We shouldn't hide these feelings and thoughts - not from God anyway.  For one, as we know, he already KNOWS we're having them!  Second, by going to God, we are addressing them and fighting them and not backing away from them.

So, yeah, I found myself in a pissy mood today for no damn reason at all - it happens, it'll happen again, but I take it to God, and let loose on Him - and what is so GREAT about it?  He can handle it and take it, he's God and further more: he WANTS us too.

No, I don't always feel immediately better. The clouds don't part and the angels don't sing...but I know that I have confronted it, and it will pass and what I asked for and "demanded" will be answered: when I'm in the position to best hear it and understand it.

As for today...for a couple of questions, I'm still waiting for the answer.

That's okay, I'll just keep bugging him about it. ;)

Take care,

Chris

Forgive us our sins...

The next (and I believe) toughest line in the Lord's Prayer is this:

Forgive us our sins AS we forgive those who've sin against us.

I highlighted the AS - it wasn't until recently that the "as" struck me.

Is is "as" as in is "while" or as in "like"?

The more I got to think of it - what if it's "as" as in "like?"

Then I might be praying for something I don't really want!  Because if God forgives ME as I forgive others?  I'm in trouble!  And here I am asking God to do just that.

This puts forgiving in a whole new context...

And one that more and more I am trying to forgive others as I want God to forgive ME.  Which means: absolutely and without reservation.

Am I ready for that?  Is that what I really want?

If I am to live how Jesus taught and lived, then yes.

If I want to do things my own way, then no.

Well, considering the trouble I have gotten myself into - I think I'll go with the former.

And while I don't completely like the idea that I am asking God to forgive me the same way I forgive others - I DO like the idea of forgiving others as God forgives them.

I'm not for rewriting the prayer, but one way to look at it might be: to THINK "Help me to forgive others AS YOU forgive us."

Daily Bread

The next line of the Lord's Prayer is this: Give us this day, our daily bread.

As many of us know (and for those of you that don't) this is a call back to the time when Israel wondered the desert for 40 years.  Each day, God would provide them with mana - which could be made into bread: hence DAILY bread.

In the Lord's Prayer, we say this.

But what do we mean?

Remember, Jesus also once said that man doesn't live by bread alone.  So, are we praying for our daily bread?  True bread?  Or spiritual bread?  Or what kind of bread?

I've heard it preached both ways...and that's exactly what I think it's supposed to be: both.

We are not only praying for our spiritual daily bread...that which we spiritually will live on, but also that we trust God will provide for us.

Exactly how?  That's up to God - that's what we are to trust him with.

But instead of asking God how, we should be asking ourselves if we ARE trusting God to give us our daily bread -whichever we may need daily.

Just today I put some money into my savings account - you know, for the future.  Of course, this means that in the future, should I need it, I am trusting that my BANK will provide me with this money.  But in reality: what might I need this money for?

Certainly I'm not putting it in the bank, under a savings account in MY name, for the poor.  That wasn't the reason for the account.  No, it was for ME.

I put away that money for when I need it.  But what might I need it for?  Car tires?  House payment? In other words: things of this world?

Will I use ANY of this money for someone who is in true need?

I don't know.  I would like to say, YES!  But at the moment, I really don't know.

But I know what I SHOULD do.

So am I really trusting God to give me my daily bread?  In any form?

If I am honest with myself, I have to say no.

No.  I make plans, just in case.  Even spiritually.  If God doesn't come through (as I believe he should) then I have my back up plans - just in case.

Money wise - I truly don't believe God will come through with what I need - after all, I NEED my movies and my car, and my house, and my....and the list goes on.  But do I really need them?

Does anyone?

What are we really praying for here?  Needs or wants?

Do we trust God to provide - however he deems fit, and with what he deems needed?

I don't know that I honestly say that I am.

But I do know that I want to.

And that takes quite a leap of faith - to trust God at his word.

So maybe I will try and change this part of the prayer.  Instead of praying for my daily bread, I will pray for accepting my daily bread.  Because, when it comes down to it -that exactly what I DON'T do - accept my daily bread.

I always want more...for just in case....

The Lord's Prayer - Part One

In our look at prayer, we are going to take a look at The Lord's Prayer.

However, we will go through this slow and easy.

Remember, we are trying to answer: what exactly IS prayer? What's it for?  What's it look like?

To find out we are looking at the prayer that Jesus gave us as a model: The Lord's Prayer.

It starts: Our Father, who art in heaven...hallowed be thy name...thy kingdom come, thy will be done...on earth as it is in heaven.

For the moment we will start there.

What have we said so far?

For one, we addressed who we are praying to: God.

But then we say, "thy kingdom come, thy will be done."

No doubt, at least in this case, we are admitting that God's kingdom IS coming, and his ultimate will, WILL BE done.

That's a pretty heavy admission!  Humbling too!

Not OUR will, not OUR kingdom - but God's...and it's coming!

Where?

On Earth - as it IS in Heaven.

I have always glossed over this part in the prayer, just rambled it off in order to get through the prayer.  However, now, I realize how heavy of a statement this is, and right at the BEGINNING!

We haven't prayed for anything yet - all we have done is ACKNOWLEDGE what is going to happen...someday.

So the question is: what does this mean in regards to OUR prayers?

I would take it to mean that somewhere (perhaps the beginning) we are to acknowledge that God's will, no matter what, when all is said and done WILL BE done.

And we should take A LOT of comfort in that.

A LOT.

The first part of our prayer is GREAT NEWS!

God will be done!

Seriously, what IS prayer?

Given what my family has recently gone through, I have done a lot of praying.

Now, that isn't to say I don't pray everyday; I do!  But during the time of my father's illness, I prayed more than I usually did.  Heck, I think some days I was in nothing BUT prayer, just to get through the day!

Now that my father has passed, and things are "relatively" getting back to normal - or as I tell my clients: there is no normal, only average.

But back to prayer.

At first, I was praying that my Dad would be healed.  That he would gain his strength, be able to have surgery, and get to have him with us for a few more years.  Eventually, my prayers were not so....grand.  They were down to the point of just asking that my Dad have a good night sleep.

As the days passed, after Dad died...I continued to pray...but I didn't know exactly what to pray for.

After all, God knows what's going on.  I'm not telling him anything new.  I'm not giving him any information that he isn't privy to.

Given this, I reverted back to what I do in real times of stress and worry: I pray the prayer Jesus taught us.

"Our Father, who art in heaven..."

You know the rest.

I figure, if Jesus said to pray it - there must be a reason!

But what is that reason?

What is the reason for prayer in the first place?

I know we are supposed to - but why?  Because God wants to hear a bunch of us complain about our lives and ask for help?

I hope not!

I'm sure he'll hear any prayer that we offer to him, but is that truly the purpose?

According to the words of the Lord's prayer that doesn't seem to be the case.

I have heard other teachers say that the Lord's prayer isn't so much a word-by-word prayer we should say, but a guide to prayer.

I believe this to be true - however, I don't see a problem with the word-by-word part.  If it was good enough for Jesus, it should be good enough for me! And it usually is.

But what is the breakdown of the prayer?  How is it a guide?

I don't exactly know, I have forgotten the sermons I listened to that spoke about it, but I have some ideas of my own.

In the next post I'll take a look at the first part of the prayer.

"Our Father, who art in Heaven.....on earth as it is in Heaven."

If you have any ideas, or opinions or beliefs, or input on how you pray, please share!

Praying for the enemy...

In a recent post on redletterchristians.org, someone had (a bit snidely) suggested that we not only pray for OBL, but also the people that are fighting and killing our troops.  Not only that, but to ask for God to bless them and comfort them.

I got to thinking - great idea!  It's easy to pray for the well-known, but what about those are in the mix and fighting it out everyday?  Should we not pray for them as well?

So, I did...

I prayed for everybody.  Our soldiers, theirs, even the poster who suggested we do it.

I have to say, it was one of more heartfelt prayers I have prayed recently.

I highly recommend it.

"...Our daily bread."

When you pray the Lord's prayer and get to "give us this day, our daily bread" do you really believe that?  Are you really asking for ONLY your daily bread.

I haven't and I don't.

We certainly don't as a culture.  We are a culture of "more" rather than a culture of "enough."

We want more.  I want more.

I don't want my daily bread, I want my weekly bread, my monthly bread, yearly bread, enough bread that I can tuck some away, bread to fall back on, bread insurance to replace my bread if I lose my bread in a fire or if it's stolen, I'll even gamble some of my bread if it means that I might be able to win MORE bread, I'm jealous if others have more bread than I do, or if their bread smells better, or is better looking, or makes better sandwiches, I've left jobs I have loved to ones I tolerate for more bread, I even have a couple of cards that allow me to act AS IF I have bread - for a nominal interest charge, I trade my bread for junk, for crap, for stuff  that within a year after purchase I'll wonder why I bought it in the first place, I have a garage sale to sell said stuff for small amounts of bread so I can make room for more stuff that I buy with my bread, if someone asks me for bread sometimes I pretend I don't have any on me - they might use my bread to buy something I don't think they should have, after all...it's MY bread right?

Next time I pray "give us this day, our daily bread" I'm going to wonder: do I really mean it?

First Cup

The Christian life is not a constant high. I have my moments of deep discouragement. I have to go to God in prayer with tears in my eyes, and say, 'O God, forgive me,' or 'Help me.'
~ Billy Graham

101 Ways to Get your Prayers Answered!

Naw, just kidding...

I’ve never been good with prayers…by that I mean, I’m not sure that I exactly know what I’m doing when I pray.

Sure, I used to ask for stuff: health, safety, etc. for myself and for friends and family.

But that started to feel…I don’t know, silly in a way.

More less, sure I don’t want friends and family to suffer, but I’m also asking for their health and safety for selfish reason as well.

I still do on occasion, but I’ve turned toward a few things with my prayers (such as they are.)

1) Being thankful what I have and have been given. Blessing of all sorts, from health, safety, financial, and of course friends and family!
2) How I can help others, or to use my blessings to bless others.
3) Guidance in various areas that I feel need help.

Then the issue becomes…HOW does one pray.

Kneel?

Close the eyes?

Raise hands in the air?

The best way that I feel I pray is writing it down. Like a letter to God. All other ways don’t give me the same feeling…though I figure God already knows.

Sometimes I just talk to him too…

Then there are times when no prayer seems right, so I pray The Lord’s Prayer, sometimes a few times in a row…

But I think that the problems is: I think it should be harder, more complicated, than it is…no sacrifice is required, no priest, no action, no nothing…God knows my heart, God knows what’s on my mind, what I am seeking, I just need to relax and be…and talk…pray…or write…

Awaiting an answer...

So, I put something before God…asking for a “Yes” or a “No.”

Of course, the toughest part of this is the waiting…and the waiting…and the waiting…and then hoping that I didn’t miss the answer!

I don’t think I’ve missed it…yet.

We’ll see.