Dear God, I'm in a pissy mood!

Ever have those types of prayers?

A prayer where you just want nothing more than to bitch to God because we are in some funk, and worst of it - we have no idea why?

The hell is that about?

Why in the world do I get into such foul moods for no good reason.  Sure, my life isn't perfect, but it is far from such a foul mood I'm in sometimes.  Why?

The heck is going on?

This hanging...what?  Heaviness?  I don't know what it is.  Sure feels like a heavy wet blanket that is NOT comfortable in the least.  How did it get here, how do I get rid of it?

And as I said - worst of it, I have no idea WHY I'm in such a mood.  Nothing has happened that should "cause" such a mood, yet there it is...and here it comes.

Then, because of this mood, thought and feelings come up that I know I don't want around me and in my head.  Mainly, "why bother?"

Why bother with anything?  Why not just eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we may die?
Why not just be selfish and live for ourselves?

Heck people will just take advantage of us anyway. Besides what good and I really doing?  Am I really changing ANY part of the world, because is sure as hell doesn't appear so.

I know, someone who writes and blogs about following Jesus isn't supposed to have these thoughts, nor are they to SHARE these thoughts on a blog of all places!

Well, you'll get them here, folks!

I don't do fluffy and "saintly" and whatnot if I'm not feeling it - today: I'm not! LOL.

Yes, I get in foul moods that I can't explain where they come from or why they are hanging around me.  Some would say it's possible spiritual warfare...I'm not in total disagreement with that notion as a possibility, however, I'm not going to go down that path here.

Rather, I'm going to tell you what I do when I get in these mood: I go to God...and I bitch to God.

Yep, I complain to God and sometimes get a bit angry with Him.  Especially about things I believed Him to call me toward that don't seem to...do ANYTHING!

"The hell's the point?"  I ask, in frustration and anger and sadness...

And, much to my chagrin, I don't always get an answer - not right away.

Somewhere in this prayer, when I feel like I'm near the end of my rope, I demand from God.

That's right, I make a demand.  "You gotta give me something, Guy! You gotta show me something, a reason, hope, something..."

And again, I usually don't get my answer right away...because God isn't interested in giving me an answer right away - He's interested in listening, and letting me have my tantrum...

Oh, I kind of am holding back on some of my language - but what I exactly say to God is between me and Him - and I know he can take it...He's God.

But sometimes, I think we fall into this false belief that God ONLY wants to hear about when we're doing good.  I know, I know, God knows everything...but SHARING it with God is far different that just assuming God knows.

Because when we share our feelings, especially the non "saintly" ones - we are admitting we are having them.  But even better: we CONFRONT them.

What makes me angry about when I have these thoughts and feelings, is I know they are not truly mine.  They are not me on any given day - which is what makes me more angry for having them.

And since God knows my heart better than I, it only is right that I go to him when my heart doesn't seem to be lining up.  And yes, sometimes that comes in complaints toward God.  Not that these complaints are TRULY complaints toward him - though they are directed at him.

We shouldn't hide these feelings and thoughts - not from God anyway.  For one, as we know, he already KNOWS we're having them!  Second, by going to God, we are addressing them and fighting them and not backing away from them.

So, yeah, I found myself in a pissy mood today for no damn reason at all - it happens, it'll happen again, but I take it to God, and let loose on Him - and what is so GREAT about it?  He can handle it and take it, he's God and further more: he WANTS us too.

No, I don't always feel immediately better. The clouds don't part and the angels don't sing...but I know that I have confronted it, and it will pass and what I asked for and "demanded" will be answered: when I'm in the position to best hear it and understand it.

As for today...for a couple of questions, I'm still waiting for the answer.

That's okay, I'll just keep bugging him about it. ;)

Take care,

Chris